All Lovely Things

How time flies! One year had gone, and it seemed that everything happened just like it did yesterday.

I finished my master degree and started to my career in a bio-tech company in July, 2008. It is not easy for me at the beginning because there was indeed a gap between what you had learnt and what you would do. I was enrolled as a technician in research department. However, three months later, I was faced to transfer to market department as a office clerk, because my medical background was limit for exploiting new products. One colleague in the same research team with me was forced to leave my company, because of the errors in her experiments. Compared to her, I was lucky but in fact, I know that my boss at that moment want me to leave also. I didn’t choose to leave then, because I love my job and want to prove that I am a qualified and necessary clerk in this company. I strived to work hard passionately to cope well with every problem. At the same time, I learnt from others and corrected my shortcomings once someone pointed out. I also analyzed and made a conclusion about how to enhance efficiency. To my luckiest, my manager in my department realized my improvements and offered me a lot of advices to work more efficiently and fruitfully. Though my salary was not high, I worked happily with my colleagues everyday, and made more achievements for my company.

During last one year time, I was always looking for and finding my interests about my profession. In other words, I was thinking about my future profession plan continuously. I was once confused about it for a long time, and played QQ games to waste time. However, I finally found that I still have interests about my medical specialty, and I was determined to be a doctor. I know that I was short of clinical experience now, and I may review many medical books to catch up with my clinical classmates. In view of one important examination next month and my desire of being a doctor, I submitted my resignation on 11^th August. A lot of my colleagues don’t want me to leave, and I indeed have deep emotion with them in this company, after all it was my first job in my life. However, I know that I have to go and meet many other challenges.

I was not sure whether it was a good choice to resign, because I may have no money in the following months until I find another job after my examination. Last Friday (14^th August), my boss asked me that whether it was the low salary that made me left. I answered that salary was not the primary reason, and I want to be a doctor was the important one. He told me that he supported my choice to be a doctor. He suggested me that I can leave about fifteen days to prepare my examination, and then go back company to work until I find a new job. It means that I can deliver resumes and attend interviews in the following days, and my company will sets me free when I get a new position. I think it is a good idea for me, because at least I can support myself for a longer time. My boss was a smart and critical man in my mind; however, he treated me well this time. I have to confess that I learnt a lot from him, though he often criticized and instructed me about job.

One year time is a short periods in everyone’s life, but it was a milestone in my life. Not only did I accumulate important experience for job, but also realize what I want to be in the future. Everybody may have different aims in different phases. The dream of being a doctor, which is a great expectation for me now, is still a tough road to walk. I am making great efforts to achieve it, and I hope I will get a doctor position in the following two months.  

我是一個太愛做夢的人，有時懷疑自己是不是有嚴重的精神衰弱。看過醫生，說問題不大，便放了心，從此任其滋蔓，愛做多少夢就做多少夢。

時間長了忽然發現，我的夢大多喜歡回到從前。在夢裡我總是在老家的那座舊房子裡，在那裡我還只是個孩子，我甚至能真切感受到我小孩子時曾有的想法 和心情。醒來後心中還會有夢的影子，這讓我著實有一剎那的愉悅。相繼而來的便是悵然和失落。因為眼前的現實告訴我，那隻是個夢。我心中的那段快樂時光已離 我越來越遠，遙不可及，恍如隔世。

時間過得太快，變化的東西太多。站在現在無法預知未來，同樣站在現在也會詫異曾有的過去，那真是曾經發生過的嗎，渺渺茫茫，又像霧裡看花。

那時的日子相對於現在好像最明顯的特徵就是窮，至少大家都是這麼認為，但我卻覺得自己那時是窮并快樂著。我在極力回憶，在那時的窮日子裡，我是否 曾因為窮而傷心受苦。我想不出來，總覺得那時快樂的很，以至於至今都無法停止對它的懷念。在那種窮的日子裡究竟都是什麼在讓我快樂，一時之間很納悶。因為 在人們的意識中好像富有跟快樂要成正比。

在孩子最天真的想法中，那時的好吃的沒有現在多！平日里很難見到蘋果香蕉之類的水果，只有有親戚從城裡回來時會帶一些來，或著是在過年的時候家人 才會買一些。平日里最多的零食是方便麵、麵包之類，再就是一兩毛錢的小零食，什麼山楂片之類。最豐盛的時候也就是在夏季吃一些農家自產的杏兒、西瓜、酸果 等。物質相對饋乏，可精神卻相當滿足，逢年過節都幸福的不得了。現在卻不然，水果再也不會成為渴望，在冬天想念西瓜都是件罕見的事。平日里總在愁這頓飯吃 什麼，總要換個新鮮的。看見肉都不想抬眼，應付著吃一些。過年再也不令人興奮了，過年有的平日里都有，沒有人期盼，反而過得厭煩，於是人們又開始關注聖誕 節。狂熱地過著跟自己毫無關係且不屬於自己的節日，真是可笑。人們在不斷被滿足，但人又從未停止過追求。人總在尋求滿足，卻總也不能滿足，這究盡是人的積 極上進，還是人的慾壑難填。

我們這輩人的父母大多都是早婚。他們那時似乎比我們更容易結婚，婚後也更容易幸福，婚姻也相對長久。現在卻不然，太多的年青人都在喊“我不想結婚”，結婚太難了。

我們總在想，先張羅工作吧，等工作穩定了再說。我們在選結婚對象的時候都要考慮對方的工作怎麼樣，收入是多少。可偏偏生不逢時，遇上了就業壓力，畢了業就失業。於是就業的壓力也就成了婚姻的壓力。這些我們的父母沒趕上，這應該是他們那個年代的幸運了。

在我的記憶中，我們的父母好像真的沒有我們這麼多麻煩。他們結婚的條件不會那麼高，就是在他們那個年代也不算高。他們不會有那麼多的壓力，每天就 是踏踏實實地過日子。他們不會那麼著急掙錢，不會那麼利欲熏心，什麼都要講錢。他們不熱切地想成為最富的，也不怕成為最窮的，反正窮富之間的差距也不大。 而且只要有一點兒學歷的人就會有工作，即使是沒有工作的人也不用愁，總能找到其它的事做。就算沒有學歷沒有本事，但總還是有體力，只要吃苦耐勞總會有好日 子。現在卻不同，人們都說現在的窮人越窮，富人越富了。只有錢才能賺錢，受苦的人就等著餓死吧，即使餓不死也只能活在社會的最底層。

於是我們現在沒什麼也不能沒學歷，父母苦死也會讓孩子上大學，我們累死也要有工作。最重要是賺錢賺錢賺錢！

因為我們結婚不只要求工作，還要要求存款、汽車、房子……所以在婚前的男人女人都要愁死。女人在愁去哪找這樣的金龜婿，男人在愁這樣的媳婦我怎麼娶得起。即使不顧婚姻條件結婚了又要為生活忙死，看著別人的汽车别墅誰不眼讒，人活一世這所為何來？

突然覺得婚姻原來如此現實，而且要明白愛情是一碼事，婚姻是一碼事。是不是世道都變了，難道古來如此？

從古至今年青人追求的無非是學業、事業、家庭甚至功業。同樣我們也在追求，卻很難找到追求的快樂。所謂學業，所謂寒窗苦讀十幾年，到最後還是會覺 得腹中空空，學業為什麼不能成為事業的紮實後盾呢，總是在為事業奔波時又覺得書到用時方恨少，我們究盡都學了些什麼，學的東西都哪裡去了？不帶武器就上戰 場自然會吃虧，所以也注定所謂事業要歷經坎坷，追求者要疲於奔命。沒有這一切生存的資本又何來建立家庭的勇氣。再說到功業，那真令人羞愧，不得不承認它現 在雖然被美其名曰為夢想，可它的結局終究會成為泡影。

這就是現實，無怪呼那麼多的人抑鬱了，那麼我精神衰弱也就不足為奇了吧。

可能回憶對我來說是逃避現實的一種方式，所以我總會想起過去，然後就日有所思，夜有所夢了。我不知道是不是因為現實近在眼前而顯得厭煩，過去因為隔了一層時間的薄紗而變得美好。

只是觉得过去是穷了些，但穷富都是比出来了，就像好坏从来不是绝对的。在過去窮到沒有好的物質條件，但同樣也窮到沒有壓力沒有過多的負擔。現在是富了，富到物慾橫流，富到不堪承受生活的壓力，追求成了一種負擔。難道物質的膨脹換來的只能是精神的空虛？

這個問題就不得而知了，可生活還在繼續，逃避終究不是辦法。面對現實才是最實際的做法，誰都會這麼說，只是我不知道自己該如何面對。總之過去是再 也回不去的，社會和科技都還沒發展到那個地步，應該是永遠不會，他們只會往前走，一如時間。那就做些實際的吧，雖然在現實中茫然，但也要在茫然中前進，尋 找生活的出路。我是不是應該將對過去的懷念變成對未來的幻想，都說明天會更好，我卻想不出它的樣子！

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I often liken present life to a place chicken feather, trifling, dull. To be objective, I am not that that kind like doing solid work person living, often keep suspecting and watchful attitude to reality carefully, while remembering some things of the rural native place. Whether I do not know and leave the native place in order to remember in the native place better, just is it for cutting as Van Gogh's ears grow? I have constructed some stories related to rural native place on the paper tirelessly, no matter the prose or novel, not merely just in order to earn the payment for an article or book written. There must be some other reasons, but I say and does not know very much. I think, perhaps this is the most important 瑜伽課程 .

Very in the childhood, parents encourage me take, study, try, break away from village hard in me, become an urban resident. My grandfather all one's life, even has not seen in that local life of calling the big dragon level ground what the city is one look like, the largest market town that he sees is a mound of the money, he thought the so-called city was the market town where a money mound or two money mounds stood up jointly. But he can be regarded as and see the world in his philtrum of the same age. In take 84 annual ring pass away, I hear several old township neighbor discuss he, old man Chen still been to the east of Sichuan while carrying the salt. Full of envying in tone. I have known the farthest place that the grandfather arrives is returned not only it is the mound of the money. When female old man throughout one's life, wear bad 82 pairs of shoes with Yang generation of village, carry bad 34 rope of basket, sleep, collapse one bed, been fishing gorge mouth only far most also. He has finished leaving guiltily two one's own was grown. I see dumb person son of him look through, dig one wasteland that board marry in broken cotton-padded jacket that him leave over, the township neighbor regret to say that has not been there yet with this person's even mouth of fishing gorge. Among mind of villager, it beens to be to it dies to be but with no regret in life in city only. I understand slowly why parents should encourage me to leave the village 成立公司 .

I have been ever proud of leaving the rural native place, thought that it should to break away from the strenuous farm work be a happy thing that was worth congratulating. I have spent childhood in the village of the native place and teenager, I still remember clearly to all things in the village. Mother of me and a lot of village woman except have a meal and sleep, other time spend in field basically every day, they haunt in the green green curtain of tall crops all day like a group of woman guerrillas. Their living purpose seems to be the same in order to keep better work state incorporating to the vigorous field again, they also go to work in the field when revealing a little in first rays of the morning sun, they seem to hear the calling of the rural area. They have some topics about crops every day, do not stop. They have probably regarded crops in the field as one's own children, happy and satisfied. I often see the colleagues in a lot of towns playing mahjong and poker day and night, get color of green vegetables one's own face, let me have life to suspect them in order to cheat oneself. My mother often said that daytime is tired, did not sleep soundly until evening. The eyes that the words sincere but which are full of philosophic theories of this sentence often drench me, let me can't help cherishing the memory of happy rural life limitlessly 上門補習導師  .

I do not know the rural democratic meeting in early years is influencing my present life deeply like this, even some concealed plots in realistic will let me associate it with some already dull things in rural life. Often someone sighs with deep feeling human heart are not what they were in the old days, say the person working with room one of place does not dare to tell the truth very much either. The corner of the city have been piled like rubbish in people's warm words that hid, the sight that the warm strength that hides forces people to flee is as difficult to fathom as dense fog. How courageous and resolute and the attitude of people in the village lives, sight is so limpid and transparent. Remember for one year, king two uncle sheep of house wipe out crops of house Zhang next door. The person of the Zhang 's has fastened sheep to make to death. Two uncles of king say nothing. Go home and ask people to kill this sheep and give the Zhang 's a back leg, can be regarded as and compensate. The weather in June, flavor is too heavy, not the season eating the sheep that the sheep has a strong smell. Hand over 2 aunts to sheep's king of a leg to have one's face covered with tears, is shied household dully for house Zhang, it is itching to insert all faces inside the crotch. King two aunt go back, person of house Zhang lead one feed by oneself fat to deceive sheep far follow behind, it is like a shade. The next day, two household affectionate just like whole family, they know thing for at yesterday to forget where to go. These simple rural trival matters enable me in the face of reality, is often moved by baffled warmth溜冰.

People can not step into the same river twice, I can not get back to those rural life that has already passed again either. I am often afraid that has already lost the ability to enjoy calm life by oneself, so I will often remember some things of the native place and native place, the chicken feather type usual life of a place seem so warm and precious now that it will enable me. 

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